Wednesday, May 27

Murphy's Law for Slobs

Without fail, I will spill something on myself when I am wearing white.

And it's always coffee or a tomato-based food product.

And it will always happen in a situation where changing my outfit is not easily done.  It happens when I am already at work, in the middle of a meal-in-progress, or as I am in transit.

Without fail.

To wear a nice starchy white, because the outfit's mood demands it, is to make a guaranteed prediction into the future that I will spill my drink or my meal on myself in an obvious space (both easily-visible location on my shirt, and a geographically inconvenient locale.)

And then this realization hit me.

A realization so elementary that a baby could've spelled it out with colored magnet letters on the fridge.

There is no Murphy's Law.  Only Fact.   

And said fact is much easier to identify when you take out the piece about me "wearing white".

'Coz when you remove that part, all that's left is:

"I spill shit on myself."

Sorry, allow me to rephrase:  "I spill shit on myself, all the time."

A fact disguised because I always wear clothing other than plain white.  Those rare occasions when I'm not wearing the usual uniform of something-that-is-not-plain-white is when I notice that I am a clumsy slob.

And apparently, also a little stupid.

That baby, smarter than me?  Without honed fine motor skills, that baby still could've crawled over to fridge, and rearranged magnet letters to spell U + S + L + O + B.

...and still woulda been smarter than me.

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